I scheduled a gender peek ultrasound with our local Baby Bumps the day that I would be 14 weeks pregnant. I wanted to keep our gender reveal small since this was our second baby, so only our parents and my siblings would be attending. I hadordered balloons from Amazon, they were sitting on our kitchen table when we left that morning. I had a pink dress picked outfor myself, a blue shirt for Mr. B, and Teagan’s pink and blue dress hanging in our closets, ready for us to change into for the big reveal. I even posted one of our announcement photos to social media asking people to cast their vote- pink or blue.
Since Mr. B had worked the night before, he was a little tired,but we were both excited to find out the gender. He even wore a blue shirt to the ultrasound! We were hoping for a boy, buthonestly but I was totally fine with a girl again. We were a little early for our appointment, so we stopped by Dunkin’ Donuts and grabbed some iced coffee, then we headed to Baby Bumps. I remember being so nervous and excited that morning. We walked in, and I snapped the sign and posted it to my social media. We took Teagan with us to the ultrasound.
We all went in to the room and she started the ultrasound, but didn’t really say much… I expected her to say, “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl,” but I just thought that maybe she couldn’t tell since it was so early. Mr. B was messing with Teagan because she was a hot mess. Then, she turned off the big screen and said that she wanted to look closer for the gender… I honestly didn’t think anything about it. Then she turned the screen back on and asked, “do you see that?” I had no idea that anything could potentially be wrong, so I asked if it was a girl because I couldn’t see anything. She replied that the baby was a boy and then very slowly labeled the leg and then the boy parts, but she wasn’t happy or excited about it. Then, she told me she was going to have to contact my doctor. I immediately panicked and asked if something was wrong; she confirmed that there was a problem with the baby, but I knew that she couldn’t tell us just what it was. I immediately went into melt down mode and completely lost it.
We left Baby Bumps in tears and practically ran to put Teagan in the car, dropped her off with my in-laws, and then headed to the hospital. I had sent a text to my sister, Keisha (who works at the hospital) that something was wrong and I needed her to meet me at our doctor’s office. When we finally made it to the office doors, Keisha was there waiting. We walked in and I was expecting a waiting room full of people, but thankfully everyone was at lunch. There were two people behind the front desk (one of them was Noel, a Godsend that I’ll share more about her in a later post). They knew without me saying a word that Baby Bumps had called, and opened the door, immediately taking me back to the ultrasound room. Two techs were in the ultrasound room for a few minutes with us before my doctor came in. Remember- at this point we didn’t know what was exactly wrong, only that something was. The techs completed the scan, and Dr. Savells looked at it…
We were told that the baby had no skull and they couldn’t tell how much or if any brain was present at all; basically his forehead to the back of his neck was missing. We were told thisrare condition was fatal and non-compatible with life. After talking more with my doctor, we decided to see a specialist first thing Monday morning, and if they confirmed what we were told, I would have surgery.
After we left the hospital, we went to get Teagan and tell Mr. B’s parents. I think my body was in shock because I didn’t cry when told them what the prognosis was, and everyone was crying. It had to have been my body’s way of protecting itself. I called my mom and told her over the phone; I sent a text to my other sister. At the time I didn’t want anyone else to know what was going on. I ended up posting on my Facebook just because I had so many people messaging me about the gender.
Once we got home, I took a nap and afterwards called a few of my close friends and told them what was going on. Still no tears. It really just felt like that morning had happened in slow motion and nothing but a bad dream. I put the balloons that were on the table in a drawer. I hung our gender reveal outfits back up. I just went through the motions for the rest of the day. I remember giving Teagan a bath that night before bed, and she got out of the tub and hugged me…and I just hugged her and cried. I prayed that God would not let what was happening to me happen to her one day. I don’t ever want her to feel the pain that I was feeling.
That weekend went by pretty slowly, and I actually went to a birthday party Saturday for my best friend’s little boy. I wanted to feel as normal as I could, and it was fine. I knew everyone there, and since it was a small party, I didn’t get stressed out. Fortunately no one asked about or mentioned anything about our baby. I met with our preacher that weekend just to talk to someone about everything that was happening. I spoke with my Doctor a few times over the weekend, too. I’m so incrediblythankful for her. I trust her with my life and my babies lives.
This is our ultrasound from Baby Bumps that day. Even though I know something is wrong here I see perfect and I know that our son is perfect waiting for us in Heaven.